Oral Sex and the Clitoris
Your Guide to Giving Her Amazing Cunnilingus
Oral sex is one of the most exciting (and practical) ways to stimulate the clitoris. The tongue can be used with expert precision, transforms from hard to soft on command, and contains the perfect natural lubricant – saliva. The act of cunnilingus is also incredibly sexy and can make her feel like a Goddess when it’s done right.
If you’re great at oral sex, she’ll remember you as a fabulous lover - It’s that simple. The following tips will help to ensure that happens.
Groom Yourself
How would you like to have sand paper rubbed between your legs? Well that's what a five-o-clock shadow feels like to her. Make sure your face is smooth and clean-shaven. A beard isn't as bad, but it might tickle (not always a bad thing).
After you’ve taken care of that pretty face of yours, move on to your hands and fingers. Clip your fingernails very short, and make certain that they’re squeaky clean. You’ll be using them on her sensitive bits later.
Relax Her
Some women think of their genitals as “dirty” or “naughty” and can be self-conscious about anyone kissing them. If this is an issue it can distract from her pleasure and really ruin your fun too.
Fortunately there are a few tricks to deal with this.
- Suggest that you take a hot bath or shower together. She'll be much more comfortable knowing that she's squeaky clean.
- Don’t rush. This isn’t the time to be in a hurry. Communicate that to her with both words and body language.
- Slip a satin blindfold over her eyes. She won't be as nervous if she can’t see you. Taking away one of her senses will also force her to focus on the wonderful sensations you're giving her.
- Put the work in. Keep in mind that if you turn her on enough with other forms of foreplay she'll be so hot and bothered that being self-conscious will be the last thing on her mind. Which brings us to the next tip...
Don't race to the clitoris
Women love a man that takes time to appreciate her and her body. They also take more time than men to really get in the mood.
- Start at your lips and kiss your way down her body – She’ll know what’s coming and the anticipation will get her motor running. Pay extra attention to her breasts, stomach, and thighs. Use your hands to caress her softly.
- If she's still wearing underwear, breath warm air softly on her genital area. Kiss or lick her through the underwear a few times before removing them.
- Kiss and nibble on her stomach and inner thighs. Tease her mercilessly until she’s bucking her hips towards you.
Positioning
At this point she should be lying flat on her back, her legs comfortably apart, with you in between them. This is exactly where you want her. Sure, there are more exciting (and less practical) positions such as “69” that you might want to try later. But, for now, you’ll want a relaxing position for both of you.
Get comfy. You may be here a while.
On to the techniques!
She should be fully aroused and ready for the main event. Before you begin, remember that there's almost nothing you can do with your tongue that will feel absolutely terrible. So relax!
Even “bad” techniques such as what (excellent) sex educator Violet Blue refers to as “Dog cleaning out a tin can” probably won’t get you kicked out of bed. Nevertheless, good cunnilingus is about building tension, releasing tension, and reading her body language - not mercilessly hammering away at her sensitive bits. The following techniques should give you a good idea of exactly what that means.
Love at first lick
Dr. Ian Kerner has coined the term “Love at first lick” to refer to the first (extremely important) contact of your tongue and her vulva. This long slow “ice cream cone” lick should curl her toes and set the tone for your entire session.
- Start at the very base of her vulva and work your way up slowly with a long, wet, lingering lick. After all the teasing, this brazen move will send shivers down her spine.
- Pause just short of her clitoral head then continue upward, barely brushing it with your tongue. No real clitoral contact yet!
- Finish by flattening your tongue and allowing it to gently rest on the top of her vulva for about 4-5 seconds.
- Remove it completely - and smile to yourself as she frowns/squirms at the shock of losing the touch of your soft, warm tongue.
Build some necessary tension
Repeat the above process (although maybe not quite so dramatically) for a few minutes. Take your time and savor each lick, but try to get a rhythm going. Rest your tongue on the top of her vulva (including the clitoral head), then (cruelly) remove it temporarily.
The slow licks / flat tongue followed by a complete breaking of contact will build the necessary sexual tension to send her climbing toward orgasm.
Halfway licks
Frustrate her clitoris even more by only concentrating your licks on her inner labia and vaginal opening. Point your tongue slightly, and use it to lick from the bottom of her vulva towards her clitoral head…but stop before you get there. Tease her like this for a minute or so, then move on.
Having fun? Make sure she knows it!
As we mentioned earlier, many women can be self conscious about oral sex. Make eye contact with her (for short periods of time – otherwise it’s creepy) and give her a smile every now and then. Don't be afraid of letting loose with a few moans and groans of your own. Nothing will make her happier than knowing that you enjoy pleasing her.
Some women just have problems with relaxing and enjoying oral sex no matter what you do. Don't take it personally if she's one of them. The most productive thing you can do is to discuss it openly with her in a nonjudgmental way.
The basics of oral clitoral stimulation
Time to pay her neglected clitoris a little attention. Give her some sweet relief by softly pressing your wet tongue directly onto it and leaving it there for a few seconds. You can follow this with another series of halfway licks or move directly on to one or more of the techniques below.
Some women may find direct stimulation of the clitoris too intense. Instead, she may prefer stimulation indirectly through top or sides of the clitoral hood.
- Side-to-Side
Studies have shown that many women prefer clitoral stimulation on the sides of the clitoris at the one o’ clock or eleven o’ clock positions. Gently move your pointed tongue side-to-side over her clitoral hood at these locations. Maintain gentle, deliberate strokes, even when she’s begging for something harder and faster. - Direct licks If she’s the type that prefers intense stimulation, try pulling back her clitoral hood with your index finger and hitting the clitoris with short and repetitive, up-and-down or diagonal licks.
- Combination
Start with slow, rhythmic tongue strokes, then suddenly hit her with a series of quick, teasing licks. Return to slow strokes and repeat. The teasing licks add surprise, spike her sexual response, and keep her moving toward orgasm. - Sweet, sweet suction
As she becomes more aroused, you can gently suck her clitoris (and entire clitoral area) into your mouth and gently flick your tongue over it as you apply suction. She’ll love the combination of the sucking pressure sensation (which is so popular that there are even sex toys made to duplicate it) and tongue flicks. - Give her a hand
Add a whole new level of sensation by combining any of the above techniques with one or two fingers. Just having them inside her will do wonders, but if you really want to make her squirm, use a come-hither motion to stimulate her G-spot as you lick her clitoris.
“Are we there yet?”
In her excellent book The Clitoral Truth, author Rebecca Chalker points out that it takes the average woman nearly 30 minutes of sustained stimulation to move into orgasmic range. Millions of frustrated ladies out there will tell you that most guys have not gotten that memo.
Don’t stop when she’s just getting warmed up.
Orgasm watch
Gauge her reactions and give her more of what she seems to particularly enjoy. Grinding her hips into you, moaning, grabbing your hair, and rapid breathing are great signs. Eerie silence and flinching - not so much.
Her rapid breathing and squeals of “more” or “don’t stop!” may tempt you to go faster and harder. Don’t! It may seem like a good idea, but it’s not.
Instead, continue with the exact rhythm and pressure. It doesn't matter if your neck is tired or your arm is falling asleep - keep it up until she finishes. If you stop, she'll lose it and you'll have to start all over again from the beginning. Likewise, continue stimulating her when she starts her orgasm contractions. Otherwise her orgasm may be cut unnecessarily short.
Suction can be a great way to finish off her orgasm.
Post-orgasm sensitivity
The clitoris is extremely sensitive after climax, so don't stimulate it as intensely as you were before her orgasm. Feel free to keep licking, just do it gently and not directly on the clitoris. Don’t be offended if she recoils or pushes your head away. It’s merely a sign of a job well done.
Keep her on her curled little toes
Once you know how to push her buttons, you'll be tempted to do the same routine every time. Throw in a new position, location, or technique every now and then to keep it exciting.
